


Waves

by Rainbowraptor



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Action/Adventure, Blood and Gore, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2020-10-10 20:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20534432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowraptor/pseuds/Rainbowraptor
Summary: Fluff with a bite. It's set ten years after the series. Gaz and Dib want to show Zim the ocean but old feelings surface.





	1. We're going to need a bigger Honda

**Author's Note:**

> A huge shout out to a certain Discord group that helped me do this. Really, you guys are all amazing and I love you!!!!
> 
> Please leave kudos if you liked it, gives me life.

Zim glared at the endless, endless, ENDLESS, doom before him. His skin burned just staring at out towards this, this, _ ocean_. The Earth's sun was setting and it cast weird, gloomy, _ spooky _ shadows on the waves. 

The sound, wait, now the _ sound _ wasn't so terrible, it actually relaxed Zim's antennae, even under his wig. Yet he wouldn't be fooled. With each lap, back and forth, back and forth, the evil liquid, Zim could see, oh how he could _ see _, was getting closer and closer. 

He took a step backwards.

What had made him think this was any sort of good idea?

_ Dib, it was Dib's idea first._

"Good idea Gaz," Dib was saying, from somewhere,"coming at night, it really cooled off."

Was their entire truce a ruse, had Zim been right all along? Had Dib-thing and Gaz been tricking him all this time? For ten Earth years? Slowly, ever so slowly? After the hundredth time the ALMIGHTY ZIM had rescued their _ filthy, smelly, _ Earth, they must've have put their plan into motion.

They finally came to the conclusion that they couldn't stop Zim using brains and in combat because, _ of course _ , the almighty Zim was Irken and an Invader! So, _ obviously _, there was only one way to win.

With _ emotions. Feelings. Lurv. Sex._

First, exploit Gir's love of the pizza and then pretend to be _ friendly _ to Zim when he came over to retrieve his wandering robot. Second, offer to share their snacks and video games. Third, when Zim's guard was down, made weak by the Animal Crossing, the Twitch comments, and _ bananas _, Dib unleashed his most deadly of all the weapons. 

\---

"_Before you and GIR started coming over, I don't think I've ever heard Gaz laugh._ _To be honest, I thought this was just one of your schemes, a trick, but then I saw you and Gaz and, well, I guess I'm like, trying to uh, thank you, you buggy bastard."_

\---

Everything, the compliments, Dib's (and once, just once, Gaz's) leaking eyes, the true plan was to get him into the sea and then…

Gir, with his sad, sick confused brain, was in his dog disguise and dashing for the _ water _. 

"You ready Zim?" Dib was pulling something out of his bag with one hand, the other reaching for Zim's own.

** _NOPE!_**

Zim turned away from the waves, activated his PAK legs, and ran for the filthy Dib-beast's sad Earth transportation vehicle. Yes! The stupid fools had left the door open. He launched himself at the Honda Civic. Escape would be-

He bumped his head on the doorway. Zim's antennaebristled and he hissed. He hadn't yet fully adjusted to the awesome inches of height he'd gained. 

\---

_ "Hey, yeah, it's true! Zim! Holy shit! _" The Dib-beast rudely jumped out of bed, apparently forgetting why they were both there in the first place.

Zim fell back, antennae tips flicking. "_ Dib-smelly, I desire sexual attention, I thought you had accepted, consented-"_

Dib grabbed his phone and began recording. "_Operation Improve Perfection Log 1825, 23:21 Our modifications to the PAK have worked!" _He looked up, took Zim's hand, and pulled him close. "_Zim, look,_ _you're taller! It's working!"_

Zim hissed and glared at Dib's abdomen. He reached back to slash at it with ungloved claws-wait...

He was standing in front of Dib and he wasn't looking at Dib's bony hips but instead at Dib's flat, meaty abdominal muscles.

After years of trying, he had done it!!! Well, OK, Gaz and Dib had helped. But he was taller! He felt so giddy! "_ Where is a measurement device so we can properly record my amazing achievement?"_

_ "Dib sputtered, It's in the lab but-"_

_ "Ugh, of course you don't have the proper tools in this lazy bed's room. Go fetch it!"_

_ "OK, OK ya jerk, but just let me get dressed first-"_

_ "Ugh, Zim shall go get it then!" _ The excitement was overwhelming! His veins were screaming, spooch was churning, antennae bristling and lashing. He deployed his PAK legs and made for the door.

_ "Zim, seriously, put on clothes first!!! _"

By the time Zim had broken free of Dib's tackle, had scuttled past a startled Gaz, reached the lab, found the measurement device, been yelled at by Dib-thing (wearing pants), and remeasured, Zim found his eyes were now greeted by the top of Dib's rib cage. 

It was true, Zim had gained the approximate height they had been aiming for. What would the Tallest think if they saw him now? Would they finally accept him as the Invader he always was? 

Maybe he should attempt to reach th-

_ "Not that I care or anything but where the hell is your, uh, dick bro? It's like, fucking smooth down there." _ Gaz asked 

_ "GAZ!!!" _

Zim's PAK and bio-brain spat feelings of fear to mix with his elation. No, the Tallest would not change their minds. In fact, the Control Brains would just want to deactivate him even more.

_ "CELEBRATION TIME!" _ Zim roared. " _ WE MUST CELEBRATE!"_

\----

And here they were.

'Celebrating'

Zim recovered in a second and dived into the car, shutting the door as he went. He hunkered behind the wheel and activated the locks. Two of his PAK legs began to work the steering, trying to hack in and turn the piece of shit alive.

A pounding sound beside him made him jump.

Dib was hitting the windshield, "Zim! Zim, calm down, we talked about this remember? It's just the ocean, and I, look, look, I have a surprise!"

"**Incompatible with Honda Civic** " shouted Zim's computer.

"Simple _ human _ technology." Zim hissed. Antennaegoing back under his wig, he pulled apart the underside of the steering wheel, thinking.

Gir, the poor robot didn't know any better and Zim wasn't about to leave him behind. Zim would hack this vehicle, drive over Dib, grab Gir, then escape back to his base. He would contact his Tallest and...and... No, he couldn't do that. He'd tampered with his PAK, Zim would have to…

What would he do?

Zim's breaths, they were hard, fast and it was getting difficult to think. His PAK was humming so loudly. What if they had made a mistake with the modifications? What if, Zim's antennaecurled and his spooch gurgled at a new, horrible thought. What if Dib and Gaz had put a virus inside him, all to make him into their puppet?

"Zim, stop! Hey, come on, it's like what you told me at E3, remember? The guy dressed as a pig? It's OK. You can trust me. Trust us. And look, I made this special sun lotion." Out the corner of Zim's eye, he saw Dib pressing an odd bottle filled with purple goo up against the window. "Look, it's even your favorite color!!! Come on Zim, this is part of _ our _ plan! You _ and _me!" 

Zim looked at the Dib-thing, those brown eyes, filled with sincerity. He recalled touching that strange buzzed scalp, then that ridiculous scythe, surprisingly soft and not pointy at all on Zim's bare fingers. Getting those same fingers tangled in his Love-Pig's frayedhair. 

"Lies!!!!" Zim shouted, his PAK sizzled in panic, no, not fear, Zim wasn't afraid, he was angry, enraged, furious, hurt…"Fuck you Dib-man!" He hissed.

"Hey, is this about what dad said this morning? You can't listen to him, the water is safe-, damn it, Gaz, help me! Unlock the damn car!"

Zim felt a click as the car doors unlocked. "What? I didn't command you!" 

_ Gaz, Gaz had the keys!_

He looked up and saw the Dib, his stupid face and part of his body pressed up against the window, staring at the odd piece of plastic that meant the vehicle door could now be opened.

Zim and Dib dove towards the handle at the same time. Somehow, despite Zim's SUPERIOR IRKEN reflexes, Dib managed to open the door.

No matter.

Zim's PAK legs and his hands pulled back, hard. Dib was strong, yes, but Zim had been growing and had extra limbs on his side.

"Ha! You made me stronger! Jokes on you!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? Damn it, I know you're scared, " Dib was yelling, "I know you're afraid, and that's OK. We can just go back to the house!"

"It's a trick!" Zim was yelling, "All a stupid, stupid, smelly, shitty trick!"

"Hey, Zim, if it was a trick, would I ask you to forget this big puddle of stinky water?" A dry, rough voice asked. It was Gaz.

She was casually standing by the Honda now, arms crossed, the little door controller in her hand, hanging by a little Vampire Piggy Hunter key chain. "It isn't so special," she shrugged, "let's go home, let your PAK chill out, and," Gaz smirked, "they just brought Hornet to Smash."

Zim stopped pulling.

Dib flew back, landing heavy and hard on his back. He let out a groan. "Thank you sis."

"I couldn't watch this anymore, it's just sad." Gaz muttered. She looked at Zim, eyes open. "I can show you if you want."

Gradually, ever so slowly, Zim crept from the Honda, his PAK legs sinking into the sand as he did so. 

"Hornet?" Zim sniffed, "Really?"

Gaz held out her phone, on the screen was the article. "The ocean is cool, I guess, but it'll be here when we get back. Hell, even if we never come back, who needs to swim in that trash anyway."

"Yeah, Zim," Dib coughed, "It's OK, fuck the ocean, fuck swimming, as long as your happy, it's OK."

Zim released his PAK legs, the emotions were still raging and glitching within him, but seeing Dib and Gaz…

\---

To Zim's great annoyance, his Dib-man had stopped stroking his attenene to gesture at something ahead of them.

_"Gaz, turn there, that was the road."_

_"Sorry bro, we aren't stopping. Not even for the biggest Beehive colony."_

Zim couldn't see what it was, laying comfortably across the backseats, new longer legs bent, head in Dib's lap but he knew there was no way it was as important as showing Zim lurv.

"_Squibble, continue giving me affection._" Zim pulled on one of Dib's many strange piercings, a silver one. Before he could be stopped, Zim reached up and hooked a claw in the metal circle hanging from the top of Dib's left ear.

_ "Ow, Zim! Stop or you can sit up and put your seatbelt on!" _Dibshit looked down at Zim and Zim found himself sticking out his tounge with a laugh.

A laugh that seemed to rid Dib of all anger.

His Love-Squirrel rolled his eyes, gave a small smile, and went back to playing with Zim's attenene. He shifted ever so slightly to lean against the door and looked outside.

Zim stared at his Dib. Dressed in nothing but swimming shorts, with flesh the color of a skinned peanut, lean and gangly. This close, he smelled like Cheetos, an uncleaned air-conditioner, and faintly of sweat.

Gross. It should've been horrible, spooch churning. This damned human, this worm, this pathetic beast with his big head and...

Yet.

_"Oooh,"_ Gir piped from his seat beside Gaz, excited."Cake song!"

Zim grinned. Gir was a mess of a robot but he did have one weird ability. Knowing whenever their favorite songs were playing on the radio.

Even when it was off.

Music flooded the car as Gaz turned the radio on. With upmost skill and pitch, Gaz and Zim began singing "Cake by the Ocean."

_No, no_   
_Oh, no_   
_See you walking 'round like it's a funeral_   
_Not so serious, girl, why those feet cold?_   
_We just getting started, don't you tiptoe_   
_Tiptoe, ah_

Dib attempted to sing along but failed spectacularly.

_See you strolling 'round like someone died_   
_Why so serious, girl, why those beets old?_   
_We just getting ready, don't you use that hoe_   
_Tiptoe, ah_

But when the really good part came, they all knew the words, and sang together, even Gir.

_Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy_   
_Ah ya ya ya ya_   
_I keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean_

It was like they were one.

Zim's PAK purred.

_\---_

"What do you want to do?" Gaz asked, she was spinning the car keys around a finger. "We can call Gir back and we can leave right now. Go home."

Home.

Dib was staring up into the sky, glasses shining in the newly risen moon. "Zim."

Zim looked down at him, frowning. "What?"

Dib stood up, shaking himself to free his body of the horrid sands. He held up the bottle of purple fluid. 

"Scan it, can you do that for me at least? This isn't a trick, like Gaz said, we can just go back home and forget this ocean fuckery. It's not important, if you aren't ready, if you aren't ever ready, that's, that's fine." He smiled at Zim. 

Zim felt his spooch or something, swell with happiness. He studied the bottle.This, sunscreen, _ was _ purple. And, as he looked at it, his scans found no sign of it being harmful to him.

"It'll protect you from the salt water, you'll be able to swim, and it smells a lot better than the paste. Plus," Dib pushed his glasses back on his face more, "it'll protect you from the sun. Hell, you can use it in the day to just protect you."

" So, you want to try it?" Dib asked.

Zim narrowed his eyes. "Well, it _ would _ be a shame to see such hard work to go to waste. And I will fear no _ ocean _. The ocean will not beat Zim!!! You'll all witness the first Irken to bathe in these deadly waters of the Earth! Dib, apply the sunscreen!" 

He pulled off his pink t-shirt and folded it carefully. "Gir, come hold my clothing so they don't get wet!"

Dib mouthed "thank you" to Gaz and began to apply the sunscreen to Zim's body.

Dib's hands sent small shivers of glee in Zim, especially when they got near his antennae. Zim closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. 

After awhile, Dib stopped. "So, you, um, are going to, um, apply the rest to the other parts right?"

"No, you shall do it!" Zim opened his eyes and looked around, "Gir?!? Where are you? Take my shirt so I may give you my shorts, Dib needs to get all my skin covered. Gir?!?"

"Guys…hate to interrupt your whatever is happening here, but," Gaz was no longer looking at her phone, instead, she was gazing, eyes wide, mouth open towards the water.

Then Zim saw. He blinked, once, twice. And the odd scene before him was still there.

Rising from the sea were at least twenty-nine Earth sharks. But these sharks had what looked like jets grafted to their backs. Their shark eyes shone, were snapping at the open air, and heading straight towards the Civic.

"WE SMELLED YOUR SCENT MEMBRANE SPAWN." Roared the lead shark, a huge grey and white beast. "PREPARE TO BE DEVOURED!!!"

"I wanna say hi!!!" Gir chirped, waving back at the oncoming onslaught. "Hi, do you taste like cheese?!?" 

"Dad was _ right _!?" Dib screamed.


	2. Mothman Rises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my two Discord groups, I love ya guys so very, very much. 
> 
> Noticed that Gir's name wasn't consistently spelled last chapter and I apologize for that. I might correct it sometime in the future. 
> 
> That outta the way, prepare for action!!!
> 
> (Please leave kudos, it gives me strength!)

They were monstrous beasts. These huge sharks were flying at them as swiftly as if the very air was actually the dark, twisted waters they had emerged from. Their thousands of stone jagged teeth and dead black eyes sent a shiver of fear down Dib's spine. The head shark, clearly a Great White, had called for their  _ Membrane _ blood.

Dib really wished he'd brought his jacket.

"What do you want with us?!" Dib asked the incoming school from Hell. He clenched his fists, he'd have to stop them, he'd protect Gaz and Zim-

"Dib, get into the damn car!" Zim and Gaz shouted in unison. 

Zim shot forward, wig and lenses hurled off. His PAK shone a mix of bright pink and blue in the dark from his lean green back. Dib knew the alien was furious but also kinda happy to be able to destroy something. Two PAK legs raised and fired lasers, the other two tried to stab into the sand, but, for some reason, couldn't be stable in the shifting nature of the terrain so Zim almost fell but suddenly, Gaz was by his side, pulling him up.

The shots collided with one of the sharks, a hammer head, one of its jets exploded, sending it colliding into the Tiger shark next to it. They smashed together, landed a few feet away, where they simply denoted like a sick stinking bomb. Fishy guts and bits showered them all.

Seeing their buddy having been blown to seafood, the other sharks abruptly changed direction to circle over them.

Well, most of them managed to do it in time, the thinest, a Thrasher, wait, why did Dib know so damn much about fucking sharks? Oh, yeah, dad. The Thrasher was still heading towards them.

Gaz was spattered with blood, it glistened in the moon. Her shirt was probably ruined forever. Whoa, she had actually opened her eyes? What was she pulling out of her skirt pocket?

_ Oh. Fuck. The Vampire Hunter Keychain. _

Yeah, Dib felt a pang of sympathy for the Thrasher.

Time seemed to slow and Dib still couldn't get himself to move so he simply stared at his sister. It  _ had _ to be personal if she was using the keychain instead of her other talents. 

Gaz's keychain shone a hot pink and began to change until it was no longer a silly toy but a black handled sword, the laser blade that same neon pink color. 

The shark wiggled and had turned it's jets off, maybe in one last chance to change his course but the thing just kept flying. "Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no no no noooooooo." It called out.

Gaz swung the blade like it was a baseball bat and sliced through the Thrasher with a waaaaaa sound, turning the fish into two finely chopped cooked fish slabs.

Dib felt his stomach rumble a little. Man, he was hungry.

“Make you body focus, we’re in the heat of battle!” Zim was by his side, putting something small, metal, and cool in his hands. Dib’s car key. 

"Get in the Honda Civic my Love Weed!" Zim ordered, taking a quick second to kiss the side of Dib's perfectly and normally sized head, before turning all four of his PAK lasers into the air. "Come down here and face our mighty wrath you petty Noobs!" He shook a fist at the remaining sharks.

No way he was going to let his sister and boyfriend get all the fun. Dib turned, dove into his Honda's front seat so quickly the carpet of the seats stung his skin. 

"Activate Beastborg protocol!" Dib shouted as he turned the ignition.

**"Sure thing boss."** Answered a deep booming voice.

The doors slammed shut and the entire vehicle shuddered, whirred, and shifted. Parts rotated, hissed, as if a great set of hands was manipulating the Honda like a rubix cube. In eight seconds, still too slow for Dib's tastes, the Civic hovered in the air, now a huge robot moth. Dib switched the turbine fitted wings downwards and sent the Mothborg skyrocketing into the air. It looked like Zim had taken out two more sharks sending the rest to break their circling. 

He set his sights on the head Great White, blue circles in his display locking on. "Why are you attacking us?!" Dib tried asking again, the Mothborg's speakers carrying his voice to the sharks.

"MEMBRANE BLOOD SINGS IN YOUR VEINS!" The leader roared. "BLOOD OF THE BETRAYER!" 

Fuck, what happened to villians telling their whole plan in elaborate detail when asked? Zim had been a much better bad guy than these dumbass flying fish.

"Who cares, Sex Whale why they are attacking?!" Zim yelled. He had taken another shark out, it careened down and Gaz leapt in the air, spun, and cleaved it into tiny fish fingers.

Dib rolled his eyes. "Sex Whale? Really Zim? That's got to be the weirdest pet name you've come up with so far and-"

"Less pillow talk and more sushi making!" Gaz barked.

The cockpit of the Mothbot flashed red. ** "Boss, incoming attack!" ** The Great White was aiming some kind of weapon at him. Dib zoomed in and saw two guns beside the jets.

Blue lasers sliced towards the Mothborg.

Ok, Zim and Gaz had a point. Dib needed to focus, the Earth was counting on him.

_ Catch this shark, interrogate it, maybe during its vivisection, all to save the people of Earth (and maybe some time). _ "The big one is mine!" He yelled, flying towards the Great White.

He pulled on the two handles in his hands, spinning the Mothborg around so the lasers deflected off the Moth whirlwind, he kept spinning and, as he did, Dib's borg opened it's many legs and locked them around the shark. The great mechanical hug easily crushed the jets and whatever those laser guns had been. 

"Gotcha!" Dib piped. 

"Good," called Zim from down somewhere below, "Now squeeze him to death so we may return to my conquering of the ocean!"

In the corner of Dib's display, he could see Gaz and Zim standing on a beach littered with shark and machine bits.

"HA!" Dib laughed, "We beat you! All your friends are dead, so just tell us-"

The cockpit flashed red lights again, the sound of turbines seemed really, really loud for some reason. Was that the smell of burning rubber? “Uh, Mothborg, what’s up?” Dib asked.

**"Sir, I apologise, but this is a team lift!" **

"Come on Dib, crush the fish so Zim can fucking do the thing and we can go home!" Gaz shouted. "Dad is making pizza and I really, really,  _ want _ to be there."

Oh, yeah, that was right. After he’d warned them about the dangers of the ocean and realized that there was no arguing with ‘his poor insane son and his sweet green friend’, Dad had insisted that they all be present at dinner tonight. Membrane was going to want them together for their meal, and, most alarmingly of all, he promised to actually  _ cook _ rather than use a robot or go out to eat. 

Dib wondered if it was actually better to miss the meal all together. Whatever Dad created might be more deadly than the sharks. 

“Hey, dumbass!” Gaz called from below. “Something is wrong with the Honda! It’s smoking, you need to land or drop the damn shark!”

Dib caught a whiff of smoke and burning. Something groaned. Hell, the Mothborg's turbines were on fire. "Fuck." Dib said. The borg went dead silent and pitch black inside, then crashed down into the sand.

His body was more or less ok from the impact. Dib was jolted violently up but his belt and cushioned seats saved him from a very sad end. Or, at least another round of replacement body parts and stitches courtesy of his boyfriend. 

From the way he was lying, he had to have landed on the Mothborg's back. "Zim? Gaz? Gir?" He shouted. "Mothborg???" He pushed a couple of buttons, no response, no signs of life. His display was black and powerless, he couldn't see a damn thing and had no way of knowing if he had just smooshed everybody.

"Dib!!!" Shouted Zim. No pet names, no anger, just pure fear and panic. Dib could imagine his alien’s eyes watering and it tugged at his heart but if Zim was crying, he was alive.

"Awwww" called Gir's voice, "Sharkie lurvs Mothborg! Just like Master lurvs Dib!"

Dib felt his face flush a little, Gir was alive and had obviously witnessed something he shouldn't have. He wondered if Gir would understand the talk? 

Dib heard a sharp crack. "What the-?" Then another, then another. "Ughhhhhh," Groaned the Great White and the whole metal casing of the cockpit moaned with it.

"Fuck, this stupid dumb animal is crushing the Borg!" Zim hissed. "Gaz-"

"Already on it!" Dib heard the waaaaa of his sister’s blade and caught the scent of fish being cooked. 

The Great White was screaming. "CURSE YOU, CURSE YOU MEMBRANE SPAWN!!!! I'LL TEAR YOU APART FOR THIS!" Luckily, the tight grip of the Mothborg kept the beast's struggles to a minimum, however, the hull of Dib's Borg was complaining louder than the shark.

"Don't kill him!!!" Dib yelled, "we need to find out why he attacked us!!" 

Dib's only answer was the twin sounds of Gaz and Zim using lasers to rescue him. Sadly, that meant carving into the shark. The cockpit rumbled, a couple of bolts flew off in different directions, and the scent of fishy guts filled his nostrils. 

Again his stomach rumbled.

"Actually, hey, maybe you  _ should _ just go ahead and kill him." Dib said. Not only was the shark’s pained cries hard to listen to, it seemed to be making things worse every time the thing struggled.

His hands gripped tight onto the handles, sweat stinging in some unseen wounds on his body.  _ Damn _ , his back hurt and he was pretty sure he had a rug burn on his knee. 

Dib listened while wondering how well this trip had gone so far. It was pretty cool to find these shark guys but  _ why _ had they tried to kill them?  _ Why _ had these freaky shark things attacked in the first place? 

_ Membrane spawn, the betrayer. Could they've meant dad? _

The shark had long stopped moving and now Dib could hear the lasers slicing into metal. After some more time, time in which Dib spent thinking more about sharks and his Dad, two huge red eyes glowed at him in the dark.

Dib smiled tiredly.

Zim quickly sliced through Dib's restraints, wrapped his arms around Dib and used his PAK legs to launch them, back, and out of the Borg. They landed hard, in the sands but away from a smelly, stinky, sorry death. The Borg let out one great groan and finally collapsed under the weight.

Zim was busy, checking over Dib for wounds, no doubt using his special alien eyes to scan him every way he could. "Tell me, do you feel any pain Dib?" His ungloved green hands roved Dib's body and Dib stared, watching as the claws gently touched and poked him.

He had many scars on his body, many from the alien, both figuratively and literally. Yet, here he was, completely at ease as Zim made sure he hadn't damaged his "fragile" "poorly built" human body.

"I'm ok Space Boy, a little upset about…"

Dib turned his head to the huge dead shark and his now mangled Borg and car. He'd spent a year, fixing it up with Zim and Gaz. He'd only just two days ago, with Dad's help, managed to get the AI  _ just _ right. 

_ "I've had enough of rude computers, I want him to be polite." _

His dad had leapt at the chance.

Dib wondered if they would at least be able to salvage the Mothborg’s mind. 

"Just some scratches, I've been through worse." Dib said.

Zim made his odd chirping noise that meant he was satisfied but his attenene were still rigid and his PAK lights were a blazing red color. "Why are you still so stupid Dib? You should've killed it as soon as you had it in your grasp!" Zim yelled.

"I was  _ trying _ to get intel you damn bug! If we could've taken the shark back hope, we could've learned more, maybe interrogate it!"

Zim opened his mouth to argue but stopped. "That's, that's actually very clever."

Dib laughed "Thanks." He leaned in to kiss Zim but a hand shot up and intercepted. 

"No way, you have to be cleaned first! Though," Zim's attenene moved around, a sly grin breaking across his face," you actually smell better than you usually do."

"Ugh, come on. Really?" Dib pouted. "Guess we better hurry and get home then."

"No!" Zim took Dib's hand, dragged him up to stand and started walking towards the ocean. "Zim is going to swim!" 

"No, no, we can't. We're covered in fish guts and, and, ugh, haven't you ever seen Jaws?!?" Dib pulled back, trying to find some sort of traction on the sand.

Zim closed his eyes and grinned. "I've seen lots of jaws Lurv Weiner, the jaws of the great Cherriwiskawoo dragon, the jaws of the MIGHTY SNARLBEAST," he stopped talking for a second, bringing a claw to his chin, "oh, you've seen a Snarlbeast too." He laughed, "Remember when you brought one with you to Earth? Oh, those were good times."

Dib flailed as best he could."Zim! We can't go in the water like this, more sharks will smell us and come and-"

Zim cackled, his PAK flashing pink and blue. "Oh, let them, hey," he looked back at Dib, eyes shinning, "maybe we'll be able to catch one this time-"

_ Maybe we'll _ .  _ We'll!!!. _ Despite his sheer panic at the possibility of being devoured, Dib wanted to just let Zim drag them to the ocean so they could swim. Dib could let the salt water clean him off and he and Zim could be close, free, and together in the water, forget everything.

Huge tendrils of inky black tendrils snagged around Zim's foot and held him in place. Dib kept going and slapped into Zim, they didn't fall to the sand for what would have been the hundredth time, Dib was sure, but we're instead held up by the strange dark shadow and carried backwards.

"Unhand Zim!!!!" His alien yelled but Dib just let go, he was exhausted and the tiniest bit happy that his sister had stopped them.

Gaz lazily walked up, a circle of that strange glittery black energy beneath her feet. She was covered as they all were now, in all manner of foul body parts and fluids and now, with her powers active, eyes open and shining a creepy purple, Dib felt a little terrified. "It's 8:13." She said, as if on cue, her phone began to ring. From the sound of Thomas Dobly voice squealing "She blinded me with science!!", it had to be Dad.

It was actually kinda surprising that he was calling. Dad had gotten a bit more,  _ hands on _ , as of late, but actually calling? Dinner wasn't until 9:00pm.

_ "Don't you know that sharks are nocturnal!?" _

Now that Dib thought about it, the very fact Dad had only agreed once Gaz said she was tagging along too was suspect. Even Dib insisting it was for "real" science hadn't worked. 

Gaz lifted her phone. "I'm going to set you two down," she hissed. "And you are going to go find Zim's disguise." 

Dib nodded with Zim.

Gaz released them. "GO!" She yelled.

Dib and Zim took off, searching the sands and the carnage for a black wig and two contacts. 

"Gir! Come over, we need your help!" Zim barked, four PAK legs aiming lights around searching.

Gir ran over, holding a severed fin. He had a frown on his face. "They don't taste like cheese at all."

"Hey Dad," Dib heard Gaz say as he peered into the dark, "can you send a tow truck, maybe a containment crew, and a clean up team? Yeah, yeah, we were. Yep, we did. Made a huge mess though."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh buddy, you have no idea what sort of a monster this thing has become in my head. A damn beast of a fic. All I can say is that the reason the sharks are attacking kinda changed this slice of life work into what could be a epic character study.
> 
> Or something.
> 
> Next chapter will be from Gaz's POV.


	3. Friends not Food

In all the twentyish years of Gaz's life, it had always seemed that Dad was the brightest light. For her, he could do no wrong, he was smart, tireless, and gave her everything she needed or wanted. Was she annoyed that he was always working? That he never talked about other family members? Or that he forced her to be a sister to Dib? A little, yeah, but in the grand scheme of things, it was all brill, shiny, super duper wonderful.

Dad provided for her, loved her, and spent time with her without prattling on about his own weird conspiracies (Zim) for hours. Dad would just, let her be for the most part. Dad gave her space. And she didn't have to threaten his life. He was, for the longest time, her only friend beyond the crew she ran with online. 

After suffering all the stupidity that were fellow classmates, coming home to him, even through a floating television screen, as the best. It was perfect. Screens were better anyway and it just made the times he was actually present all the more rad.

In the weeks before the Florpus, Dad had begun to give more, increased his encouragements to try with her brother. Annoying but kind of cool. After the whole Florpus, he even began to spend more time with them. And yet, there were days the floating television screen, Clembrane, and the Food Bot were the only ones there.

So it was almost perfect. 

And then Zim and Gir got settled in...

Gaz scrolled through her phone, checking her messages, thinking of the past. 

\---

Gir, coming over, wanting pizza or something, and while he was there, sat, ate Clembrane's pudding, and watched while Gaz played a few games. Then, of course, the weird alien kid Zim followed.

Sure, the green idiot lima bean took forever to finally chill and hang. A whole week in fact. It wouldn't have taken so long if Dib hadn't kept insisting he was there for only one reason. 

To destroy Dib and everything, starting with his whole family.

Her brother annoyed the hell out of Zim and Gaz, pointing and accusing Zim of being evil. It wasn't as bad, Gaz noticed, as it had been in the past but things were far from friendly. At one point, Dib was sitting on the red couch, simmering and muttering on and on about how they couldn't trust Zim and that he wasn't fooled. Zim denied everything, like always, but there was a new tone to the denials. Irritation? Embarrassment? Hurt? Weariness? Gaz didn't care. The two were shouting now, Zim stopped playing. More than that, he threw his controller at her idiot brother. Unfortunately, Dib dodged leaving the piece of plastic to twirl, fast, spinning, until it impaled the wall behind him.

Gaz simmered, nearly breaking her own special custom built controller with her hands. She didn't care about the stupid game accessory or even the damage done. _ "LOL!" _ Screamed Swoleboyz69 over her headset. _ "PWNED YA NOOB!" _They had just lost to one of the worst teams online.

And _ that _ was the last straw.

She watched, Zim standing on the couch now next to Gaz, PAK legs out and aimed at her dumbass brother, also standing. They snarled at each other like two idiot zombie pigs, faces inches from each other.

It was at this point that Gaz snapped.

_ "WHO CARES?" _ She'd screamed at them both. _ "It's over! Enough! I'm sick of you two fighting! You both almost got Dad killed, you both almost broke the damn world! And I'm pretty sure those Irken leaders got sucked into that Florpus Hole, so it's over!!!!!!" _

Zim, standing still, raised his one claw, a look on his face that Gaz knew meant he was about to yell about lies or someshit and she had just glared at him, eyes open and fierce. She gave him the look that had once made a boy five years ahead in school than herself wet himself.

_ "Not another word or I'll throw a real plasma grenade at you." _ She turned her attention back to Halo 20. _ "Rematch." _ She hissed into her mic. _ "Now." _

Eventually, Zim did the same. But only _ after _ he fixed the wall and controller. Gaz didn't even have to ask and she didn't say anything about how stupid the new squid poster looked over the hole in the wall. The controller was put together well enough. 

Seeing this weird and surprising act of apology brought Dib to finally ask to be the third player.

And that was a start.

\--

But, now, as Gaz Membrane sat, arms crossed in the back of this van, head bowed, and looking down at her ruined t-shirt so she didn't have to stare at her brother or his boyfriend, Gaz fumed. She glared at all blood, fish juice, and fuck of she knew what else staining and maiming the sparkly purpley tiger graphic. Kat had just given this to her no less.

Gaz thought, faced with this, that maybe, maybe, it was time to ask more from dear old Dad than just not being dead. 

She had demanded more from her brother and best friend years ago. It was time for Gaz to do the same for Dad. There was no avoiding it. They could've all died. Sure, Dad tried to warn them but hadn't offered any real advice. Those sharks...they had wanted them all to die for being of "traitor blood." _ Membrane blood. _

Gaz didn't need to be a genius to understand a vendetta. 

_ "Are you alright my Bit?" _ Texted Kat.

_ "Yes. Pissed." _ Gaz answered back.

_ "Can you maim Zim in your rage?" _ Came the reply.

Gaz couldn't think of anything to say to that. For once, she wasn't angry at Zim or at Dib, not really. She slapped her phone into her skirt pocket. And continued to fume. 

Zim and Dib were fighting. Which really was just their fave way to show affection. Aside from...well...other more icky and messy ways.

"Couldn't you have like, thrown the shark off me? No way dad is going to tell us anything!!!" Dib shouted. "Zim also could've set the shark on fire!" Zim screeched back. "But then theDib would've been part of the largest sushi roll ever!" "Sushi is raw fish!" Dib roared. "Lies!" Zim wailed. "Who would eat raw fish?!?"

The van came to a sudden stop.

Zim and Dib continued to spat.

Gaz stood. She stomped over to the doors, pushed past one of Dad's uniformed goons to the open night air. The cul-de-sac was alive, a few neighbor looky loos stood on their front porches, nearly breaking their necks to get a view of the parade of vehicles parked in front of Professor Membrane's home. A man had his head stuck out of his window. Lights were on, dogs were barking. 

Gaz ignored it. She walked around to the trailer filled with the "samples" they'd desposited there, picked up the biggest chunk, and made her way up the driveway. 

She heard shouts, whispers, shocked gasped as the neighborhood responded to Gaz's burden.

Zim told the crowd, nervously laughing. "Nothing to see here fellow uh...normal humans, just a routine eh…"

"Getting back from a routine shark population control job!" Dib joined in. "Wanted to make those beaches extra safe this year!"

Gaz was aware of the two making their way with her up to the house but nothing else beside her target.

Clembrane suddenly greeted Gaz, opening the door, smiling orange fish face full of love, arms holding a bowl of full of pudding. "Daughter!" He said, goofy eyes happy, "Son! Zim!!!" Clembrane didn't even blink at the gore covering Gaz but as soon as he saw what she had, he dropped the bowl. It crashed to the door stoop, bowl shattering, pudding spattering all over Gaz's shoes. 

"Bad fish!" Clembrane wailed and Gaz felt a pang of regret as Clembrane recoiled and hid behind the arm chair. 

But Professor Membrane called out from the kitchen and Gaz's fury swallowed everything again. "Excellent! Hurry inside so we can begin!!!! The experiment-I mean meal is ready and a complete success!"

Gaz marched through the living room, tracking chocolate pudding all over the carpet and flooring as she went, and stopped only when she reached the kitchen. 

There was Dad, _ her _ Dad, wearing an actual apron, just setting a huge plate of garlic bread on the table. There was pizza, _ pizza _ , and it actually looked _ good _! A few sides were there too, salads, dipping sauces. But, the best part was, not a bean in sight. 

Gaz stared at the scene, anger vanishing. This was...this was…

She became aware of Zim and Dib entering, shutting the door behind them, Zim pulling at Gir who was at her feet, trying his best to tackle the table to get at the yummy food. 

Dad was saying something…Dib gave a groan, Zim now tugging at Dib towards upstairs. Dad turned his focus onto Gaz..."And please, you too honey, go change your shirt for dinner." 

Gaz's grip tightened on the thing that had ruined her shirt from her girlfriend but also her best friend's, brother's, and _ her _big, big moment on the beach and glared at the man who had contributed to it all. Who was the real villain. Had kinda always been. And this idea broke her. 

Gaz focused on Dad, eyes open and locked with his googles, then smashed the huge shark head into the very center of the large, pristinely cheesey pizza with both hands. She screamed. "Tell me why sharks aren't friends!!!"

  
  
  
  



End file.
